View complete answer on wikihow.com Hi Paula, You story is a great lesson for why it is so important when you are with someone like this that you stay on familiar ground and not get yourself isolated. You are correct that there is no point in arguing but that does not mean he will never understand it was wrong. Are you and Steve doing the Radio Talk Shows anymore? Most people get closer together in bad times but I just know if we had a Tragic situation it would be an argument. Im trying to find a way to heal mentally but he doesnt give me a single chance. I dont have another day to waste with him. When someone is being selfish and KNOWS theyre being selfish or not accountable for bad behavior, I really want them to understand how mean and hurtful theyre being, and how theyre creating fallacies merely to rationalize it to escape blame. Linda, thanks for your insight. It amazes me at how his brain works and like to think of it as a mass of short circuited wires that just dont connect to each other. So it is a balancing act to be courageous about setting boundaries but also being as warm as you are able to be. I thought he was the love of my life!! It is almost as if. I dont change easily, to say the least, but, I always enjoy what you teach. What he said was I love you but I cant live with you. It will teach you step by step how to stop him turning this around on you. After over 9 years it has got worse. I didnt handle it right, I got upset and was hurt and we had an allniter fight again. for 2 years before we divorced and hosted multiple person sex parties where anything goes. I had to get over my embarrassment of ever tolerating or choosing this deranged fool for a partner, how ridiculous. I am Liberal thinking person and positive too until I get around her and her negativity!She is constantly pointing out my shortcoming while I reserve my feelings about her shortcomings.. its as if she is talking me out of our relationship! Seems he decided to leave only after we were married. I use to say to myself, o my goodness, how in the world will we ever get to the stuff that makes us want to be with people. I think mentally healthy people are able to give some space and be tolerant of a partner who is not a carbon copy of themselves and therefore will differ on questions of tidiness, importance of money and life goals. (2) Damaged my car I have been scared of him & Several times I have ran to my car, locking the doors to get away from him& when I refuse to leave safety of my car, he threatens to damage my car if I dont get out of it, which has resulted in: door Handel ripped off, entire windshield wiper broken off, Three big dents in my door, cracked windshield and him keying my car. So stop stalking them on social media or asking mutual friends about them. Narcissism is very hard to diagnose - even by experts. -but the most disgusting Thing he has made up is to lie about is that I was sexually abused by adult family member as a child and he sometimes says Im still being sexual abused/raped??!!?!!? But at all times, even during the worst explosive episode: He can tell right from wrong; I have become physically ill from this(lungs). You cannot decide what they will do and if they ask what you want you need to be ready to say, It appears he is having severe withdrawals and if his medication is not monitored more closely I am concerned about what may result.. It is really unbelievable what they put you through. He has drained it! I could never imagine that the sweet kind generous woman I promised to love for the rest of my life, could be so deliberately hurtful, so callous and full of spite and disregard for my feelings. Is it worth making then accountable for that? Mine came back after 8 years of doing what he wanted. Mine was in the beginning, then less and then gone. #45&46, Hi Tanya. The woman probably had to go home after that. They will say that you are the angry one and that you need help,and walk away full of selfrighteousness. Mine has just finished with me saying that he cannot deal with my mood swings. Your opinion on the matter is no longer relevant. He broke up with her and I am so glad but she wont move on. Also 10 Steps To Overcome Co-dependence. I dont contribute to what they have wittnessed, he is doing a fine job of that by himself. I have a good material life, although everything is his. Your or Steves suggestion would be so appreciated! Narcissists are not in touch with their own feelings. Your indifference is their kryptonite. Thank you. Charlie, it really sounds like he is afraid. The world is a much better place when people like that do the only thing that is notable in their life which is for them to kill themselves and do the rest of us a favor. I am so sorry to hear this Aspen, This is why we put so much stress on you being calm and very careful in how you approach the police. 3. how do I get over the pride and resentment I have? I found out you didnt sent her anything. Everyone loves him.minus his employees. When he calls me names I tell him I am sorry he feels that way because I think (something nice) about him and it takes the wind out of his sails. When i got my head together, i never respected a damn thing about this type of person, and found them to be utterly repulsive and pathetic. Dealing with the trauma resulting from a abusive relationship is really hard to do. Ive read a lot of wonderful responses to your article, but I especially would like to respond to Amy. But that is just fantasy. Get strong. Hi to everyone who has written in, this has to one of the very best blogs ever. I think the boss may be annoyed with him now because he is always finding stuff wrong no one else does hence making others look bad, hes been given some questionable stuff to do that I actually wondered if the boss is setting him up for failure. In Kim & Steves ebook Back From The Looking Glass there are several examples of how to accomplish this. Its always been his way or no way but I have been the bread winner for a very long time while he plays all the time and so with this it has given me strength to not let him bully me into anything i stand firm. Im still trying to get my life on track again and deal with a very messy property settlement with him. Thanks Kim I understand you dont have alot of info to work with. My first calls to the police did not go well either until a policeman I met taught me about how to deal with the police if you want them on side. I know he will never agree to have his check deposited into my account. Currently you have JavaScript disabled. I didnt say a word. I married him out of love and also because we have much in common. Mostly, I hope you will, if youre reading this. I have been married 36 years and most of my married life has been filled with sadness and anger. We made the agreement that we would split the payment and insurance in the meantime so you had a car to drive. Ana. 5. Its just he has been so good about making me feel bad if I dont help him out and making it out to be me not loving him. (is that part of narcissism?). Im still trying to recover my self esteem. Hi Marie and welcome (-: I hope that understanding will help bring you to a place where you can begin to heal the hurt and move on. Typical forms of narcissistic supply include sex, power, control, one-sided relationships with no accountability, compliments, subservience, obedience, admiration, and other requirements unique. I was wore out from defending myself, arguing and emotional abuse. He is unstable and is alsi a habitual liar. (exhausted). Confused. I totally adored him and over time his constant jibes, judgement, derogatory comments, nicknames, mocking and humiliation took its toll on my confidence. I just asked him via text after four years of love and devotion is he willing to give it all up for one moment of truth? Ive lived with this for 24+ years and I have had it. After love-bombing you with future faking and a false . (they seem to have a hard time understanding the grief I am experiencing, for starters!). He isolates me from his friends because he knows that I see his other self emerge in front of them, and he does not want me to call him out on it (I have done so before, with terrible consequences). It really helps!! Especially the magic scissors and self-soothing are very powerful skills. Do not warn him about this or he may have time to make up a story. Thank you! The reason I cant trust his apologies or promises now is because I heard them all before almost verbatim. It is a freaking living nightmare. Hang in their people get yourself educated about their illness and know this is a mental condition. Saying he never wanted it to begin with! I feel it is OK to set the boundry that he needs to decide what he wants or I will have to make decisions on my Own. 7 Be leery of future love bombing. Just food for thought. i am not supply anymore. He remains unaccountable for everything and so much more. Play as nice as you can and de escalate the fight and let the heat come down on him from police. . Id meant to say in that last sentence that id text him to say I was tired and hence grumpy that bubs wasnt sleeping.he told me to drink concrete and harden up it was my choice to have the baby, hed have had an abortion. What percentage of females. Its hard to grasp how this man that professed his love so earnestly and regularly could turn this fast! Belli. Why? Most of these people around him had low self esteem and really did not want to be exposed for there own fears. Try giving him the sort attention you crave. I was shocked. I want the real man. How can you prevent this person raping you again? Ok, comeback lines for the provocation mentioned before, Kim ideas are welcome: He (saying that doing a favour for one of his attractive female colleagues saved his day, sighing): X, what you are saying hurts me and it reminds of your affair and I instantly feel afraid that you will do this again. Click here for instructions on how to enable JavaScript in your browser. Its sad he has used one old gal to get her home. I was not a good wife, or mother, so on etc. For all this time I have been working on myself, attending classes through the church (designed for couples, but they are letting me go by myself)and I (unlike him) remember the good timeshe COULD be really, really sweetand my soul still loves him (its the only way I know how to describe it as it takes me out of the very human/ego part of me that is pissed as hell at the childish, immoral behavior)..it also lets me not put the blame on myself (which I bought into, and still do some days, like today). Talking down to people is rarely persuasive no matter how superior you feel your position to be. I was devastated, but I was willing to work. I was thinking and came up with. The other piece of this for me isI know that somewhere along the way, Im going to really NEED him for something. I didnt set boundaries with him because i was so hurt by the sudden death of my husband. I would never trust another man anyhow so I stay put and just take it as it comes. Perhaps hes just a 2 on the scale of 1-4, but hes still a 2, and it still is very difficult to live with. Still havent done anything legal Im nearly positive he never will (but oh, I was already wrong once! He took the message and never did that again. I am assertive and have boundaries, yet none of the above techniques worked.
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