I just got a new DVD, and I am really excited about it, but I miss my childhood a little bit I guess. , The Question: Name a good local divorce law firm. A: The Rock of Gibralter. A: Sha-na-na. The Question: Name an elephant, a donkey, and a Rino. Q: Name one guy who's rich after April 15th. , The Question: What is the most compelling reason for a mask mandate? Today, that number is 1 in nearly 50,000 in many Western countries! Amazon's Choice for carnac hat. Found 50507 ratings (with comment) There are 50,507 ratings (that include a comment). ), The Question: Who is the largest conservative in the Republican Party? Q: How many hospitals has Evil Knievel been in? We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers. In one instance, Carnac tripped and broke the desk! ", Jan Elliott AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel, NJ .hounx!jansz. A: Tail of Two Cities. At the same time, Eves curses also seem to have been reverted. Johnny Carson "Carnak The Magnificent" One Liners. A: Hickory Dickory Dock. , The Question: What do you call a Methodist who is not afraid of water? The Question: Clarnac hit a fat lady with my car. 99 $28.11 $28.11. The Answer: No more years! CARNAC: May your wife give mouth-to-mouth resusitation to . The Question: Who can steal more money than a thousand men with guns and masks? Return to Humor Page May your Perrier water be secretly bottled in Tijuana. A: Skalliwags. Scope and Content Script (Annotated "Ray") Box 4, Folder 44. , The Question: What is the name the new Disney fat stripper movie. A: "The Front." this year? Carpenter During Sweeps 1984. Carson Caucas 1984. The Question: Name three things that always tell the truth. Q: What was dat hippie smoking? In one of his most famous sketches, Johnny Carson channeled his psychic abilities as Carnac the Magnificent. Carson, dressed in a turban and cape, would predict the answers to questions that were sealed in an envelope. Lot #220 ED McMAHON JOHNNY CARSON CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT HAT. (Dr. Wuhan) , The Question: What is Kamala Harris approval rating? In article <9@psivax.UUCP>, a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes. Q: What do you call a drink made with un-cola and prune QUESTION: What does an alligator get on welfare? . May the bird of paridise fly up your noseMay an elephant caress you with its toesMay your wife be plaqued with runners in her hoseMay the bird of paridise fly up your nose, Ron Williams (not Tom Nadas, but an incredible simulation)--, UUCP: {decvax,linus,ihnp4,uw-beaver,allegra,utzoo}!utcsri!tomCSNET: tom@toronto, "Look over there, a dry ice factory. share. Q: Describe a stoned bowling team. "A: A, B, C, D, E, F, G.Q: What were some of the earlier forms of Preparation H?A: Shoo-be-doo-be-doo.Q: What do you look for when you're tracking a shoo-be-doo-be?A: Zippo Marx.Q: What do you get when something gets caught in your Zippo?A: Touchback.Q: What's the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches you?A: Kitchy-kitchy-koo.Q: What do you call a military coup led by General Kitchy Kitchy?A: Big Ben, Joe Namath and a candidate's campaign promises.Q: What is a clock, a jock and a crock.Answer: Sis Boom BahQuestion: What sound does a sheep make when it explodes?Name what offence someone should automatically get the death sentence:Johnny: Whoever told squirrels they were good at crossing the road!Ed: Yassir ArafatJohnny: Yassir Arafat(envelope opening)Johnny: What's the sound made when Dolly Parton removes her bra?Johnny: "It was so cold outside"Audience: "How cold was it? A: "Hi diddly dee." CARNAC: May a weird holy man drop a cactus down your Q: What do you call not getting busted? Q: How would a wino see the three musketeers. Zippo? 2006 | CC. Carnac the Magnificent. Wilbur, Orville, and Wright. A: "Sorry bub, no pub." , The Question: What do you call pedestrians trying to cross I-220? Question: "What does a doctor use to look at your kaleido?" Stumble It! Q: Where should you address all your mail? In his final message, Carson choked back tears while thanking fans for their continual support. A: Snap, crackle, pop. A: Green thumb. the Denver Nuggets. (Wait for it! Q: What comes after Timbuk-one? The Answer: Because they are afraid someone will clean them. Q: What do you need after Hamburger Helper? So how does this connect to the weekly Torah portion, you ask? Q: Who do you go to when you have a pain in your hickory Q: Name a Chinese diet doctor. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Q: How do you tell a Sha not to do something? Only Johnny Carson could make the commercialization of Shakespeare funny. and Supermanreplies "Johnny Carson, 1967" to which Lex remarks "Right. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. , Ed: I hold in my and the last envelop. Watch Carson episodes every night on Antenna TV at 10:00PM ET / 7:00PM PT and 4:00PM ET / 1:00AM PT!Carnac the Magnificent makes jokes about Three Dog Night and Mount Baldy on \"The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson\" in 1974.JOHNNY CARSON PLAYLISTSAnimals http://bit.ly/carson_animalsBloopers http://bit.ly/carson_bloopersCarnac http://bit.ly/carson_carnacCelebrities http://bit.ly/carson_celebritiesChristmas http://bit.ly/carson_christmasComedians http://bit.ly/carson_comediansMonologues http://bit.ly/carson_monologuesSkits http://bit.ly/carson_skitsMusic http://bit.ly/carson_musicFOLLOW JOHNNY CARSONYOUTUBE: \"Subscribe\" http://bit.ly/johnnysubYOUTUBE MAIN MENU: http://bit.ly/johnny_menuYOUTUBE PREMIUM: http://youtube.com/johnnycarsontvFACEBOOK: \"Like\" http://fb.com/johnnycarson TWITTER: http://twitter.com/#!/JohnnycarsonGOOGLE+: http://bit.ly/johnnygplusJOHNNY CARSON IS AVAILABLE ON:ITUNES http://bit.ly/johnnyitunesDVD: http://bit.ly/carsondvdsAMAZON: http://bit.ly/amzn_carsonGOOGLE PLAY: http://bit.ly/carson_gplay\"carnac on three dog night and mount baldy\" \"three dog night\" \"mount baldy\" \"johnny carson\" \"johnny carson youtube\" \"tonight show\" \"johnny carson show\" comedy \"best of johnny carson\" Carson \"johnny carson best moments\" \"the best of johnny carson\" \"johnny carson theme song\" \"best of carson\" \"the tonight show with johnny carson\" \"tonight show johnny carson\" \"tonight show band\" \"jonny carson\" \"carnac the magnificent\" \"carnac\" \"johnny carson carnac\" \"humor\" \"hilarious\" \"funniest moments\" \"video clip\" \"live tv\" The creative innuendos and delivery from Carson proved that the key to humor lies in making an inappropriate joke! Good place to get some thinking done"-- Mr. Blore, the DJ who would not die {hplabs, seismo}!hao!udenva!showardor {boulder, cires, ucbvax!nbires, cisden}!udenva!showard, Somebody came up to me the other day and asked, "Hey, if I melt dry ice, can I go swimming without getting wet? A: Keep your eyes on your prize. Organized in groups of 10. . "I've seen sex, and I think it's OK." -- Talking Heads, Either email addresses are anonymous for this group or you need the view member email addresses permission to view the original message, I'm sure you have all heard Johnny Carson do his Carnac routine. A long running bit on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show.Carson would appear in a turban and cloak as "Carnac the Magnificent" . lets have a big round of applause for Clarnac the Magnificent. Clarnac: (Glares at Ed) Clarnac is supposed to be the funny guy. While Evans certainly popularized the usage of the term Minoan, its first known use in the sense of "ancient Cretan" appears to have been in 1825 by German historian and philologist Karl Hoeck. A: Kumquat. envelopes. may your mother stop receiving her child support checks fromthe pittsburgh steelers front four. Q: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman. Q: Describe the five finalists in the Miss Universe Only this curse was not humorous at all. A: Mr. Coffee. After Carnac said an answer, McMahon would frequently repeat it in a booming voice ostensibly as a help to the audience setting up a sneer, putdown, or some other comic reaction from Carson. In reference to the snake in his pants, Carson simply wiped his brow, smiled and said, If only in real life! Classic! A: Jello and "Charlie's Angels." A: The ZIP Code. The Temple was destroyed, and Israel was left with neither kings nor kingdom. Falling in Love Again (1980) with Susannah York, The Hollywood Knights (1980 . A: Roman Gabriel, Lance Ramsell and Howrd Cosell A: 2001. Then, he would read the question: What does an alligator get on welfare? Some of the jokes were feeble, and McMahon used pauses after terrible puns and audience groans to make light of Carsons lack of comic success (Carnac must be used to quiet surroundings), prompting Carson to return an equal insult. A: "Here's Boomer." Im Carnac had a trademark entrance in which he always turned the wrong direction when coming onstage and then tripped on the step up to Johnny Carsons desk during his 30-year run on the Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (1962-1992). Is that about right, sir? I found something I always wanted to do, Carson said. View all. Thanksgiving? Q: How does Howard Cosell call his toupee? The Answer: An I-Phone, a cable bill, and a BMW lease. We are now officially the living who envy the dead! Q: What does a president look for in a singles bar? Our users have written 2 comments and reviews about Carnac, and it has gotten 25 likes. Paul? NO ONE [at this shout, Carnac always acts startled] knows the contents of these envelopes but you, in your mystical and borderline divine way, will ascertain the answers having never before heard the questions. Clarnac: I hope it has instructions to get out of here. , The Question: What is the female version of Viagra? Houses of Prayer and Study, however, are with us always. Q: What happens when your lorne rots? One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. puppies and red-eye gravy. Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? by BMcCJ. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. , The Question: Name Nancy Pelosis favorite flavored fruit drink. A: Sir Lawrence Olivier, the Oscars and the oil shortage. A: That darn cat. Imgflip Pro Basic removes all ads. Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. The one that had McMahon and Carson nearly rolling on the floor with sustained laughter was Sis boom bah. CARNAC: May a bag of Pop Rocks explode in your shorts. Carnac the Magnificent : [opens envelope and reads] "Name two movies and the Los Angeles Rams fight song." Johnny Carson : Back in New Jersey, two thousand pounds of human hair, it was gonna be made into wigs, fell off a truck in New Jersey and blocked the highway. Wheres the exit sign? A: A man with a mistress and a Russian Olympics judge. Function: require_once. Welcome once again, O Great Sage. Q: How did Marlon Perkins explain the rash on his thigh? 1952? There were skits performed such as Carnac the Magnificent, an "all-knowing seer," and the elderly Aunt Blabby. parents. The entire studio erupts in hysterical laughter] The Question: Where was the largest gathering of Southern Baptists in history? BILLINGSGATE POST: Johnny Carson was the very best. Clarnac: Get your mind out of the gutter. CARNAC: May a weird holy man light a Roman candle in your One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. The Question: Name a clock, a jock, and a crock. A: 50 miles per hour. The Answer: Big Ben, Dak Prescott, and a politicians campaign promises. A: An emerald, a screwdriver, and Chuck Barris. Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. The Answer: A condor, a bald eagle and a snail darter. The Answer: The Senate Intelligence Committee. Q: What did Yul Givens give after eating a prune tree? May a diseased shih tzu hump your grandmothers good leg. , The Question: What is the leading cause of divorce? Q: Who ruined that darn rug? Get Image Page 1 of 4 Another that I heard last night on the syndicated "Carson's Comedy Classics": "May the Swami of Baghdad squat on your fez", "May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister! KeyCastr. Here is a list of the best quotes from American talk show host and comedian, Johnny Carson. It was named in honor of the ancient Hagia Sophia in Constantinople and played a crucial role . (Joke only good for Central Mississippi folks). Alas, poor Yorick, dont forget your American Express card! . Page, Return to Carnac the Vote Devining Consultant Page. Click here to be a writer! A: O'Hare. Curses, Curses, Curses . Q: What instrument does a doctor use to examine your (In one episode, technicians rigged Carsons desk to fall apart when Carnac fell into it. Q: Name two countries and a luncheon special at the NBC The Question: Name a childrens nursery rhyme to be screamed every time Hillary Clinton opens her mouth. A: "Rose Bowl." A: Baja. The Question: Because she is so old, what does Nancy Pelosis breath smell like? One of the most memorable audience insults came after the Philadelphia 76ers swept the Los Angeles Lakers in the finals to win the 1983 NBA Championship, when Carnac retorted, "May Dr. J slam dunk your cat." A: Old wive's tale. . A: Gatorade. CARNAC: May your favorite aunt develop a crust on her hip. I have been collecting some things that are kind of obsolete now. dee? Q: What did the dead raccoon say in his will? A: Shake-N-Bake. These jokes aren't mine, copyright on them is held by the The funny story above is a satire or parody. A: Kris Kristofferson Q: Name a leak, a Greek and a freak. Are you sure you want to cancel your membership with us? The Answer: Under Willie Brown and through Joe Bidens colon. Carnac the Magnificentwas a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carsonon The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Inning. Some of his one liners: "A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou." Reading the contents of the envelope: "Name three things that have yeast." , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. nowadays. She said, Why didnt you go around me?. Hand made. Browse more quotes by famous person's name. juice? Q: When should you plan on making a rest stop at a gas A: Touchback. Reviewed in the United States on April 2, 2015. Q: What does your skalli do when it's happy? Images tagged "johnny carson". Q: Name two rams and a goat. Gotta be Q: What's an Orange County toothpaste? #10. Tell a friend Ask a question. Q: What is a drink made with soy sauce and prune juice? , The Answer: Put It Back Like You Found It., The Question: What is the new campaign slogan for Republicans in 2022? Q: How do you get it? then putting the next envelope to his head: "Natural Gas" (the answer) "What do you get when Yule Gibbens eats your pine tree?" ANSWER: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign promises. plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. The reason for this is because when the Messiah comes the world will go back to its perfected state the way things were before the Primordial Sin so all the curses will have to be reverted and the world brought back to normal. This is seriously one of the best pranks ever! In article <42@kestrel.ARPA> t@kestrel.ARPA writes: > Comedic or not, "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" is. The Answer: I didnt think I had enough gas. May a camel with a weak kidney condition find your hope chest. The Question: What do you call a lady golfer who pulls her drives hard to the left? A: Pussy Willow. A: An unmarried woman. Q: Where do New Yorkers put their dogs muzzles? A: A mule, a horse, Billy Carter. A: "Gung Ho!" ANSWER: Kirk Douglas, Terhan Bey and Earl Butz. May a love -starved fruit-fly molest your sister's nectarines. Q: How do you play piggyback with Telly Savales? RMMD: And so the "Buck and Truck Cursed Swinger Saga" begins. So we see that as we get closer and closer to the Messianic Era when the world will go back to a perfected state, curses are reverting all around us just as the Vilna Gaon predicted. Return to Political Humor The Question: Name one of Washington DCs many famous oxymorons. Of course, Carson touched on those two particular topics during his routine. Price starting at $87.97 for basic 5,000 sq. A: Rocky, Network and The Silver Streak. The Phantom of the Opera, The Lion King, and Donald Trumps mouth. Get Image May your prize bull hate cows. A: Deep freeze. Ed McMahon was a huge part of the bit. How about May an unclean yak sit on your dinner. Clarnac: May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. A: Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. , The Question: Who is the longest surviving member of the Japanese Air Force? Carnac The Magnificent undated. Q: What do you use to keep your ig from falling off? Q: Where will the president of NBC be working soon? Q: What would you keep if you had to choose between sex and Q: What do you say when it's Rose's turn at the bowling Audience reaction played a major role in the skit. |================================================, Supposedly, the most colorful curse in the world (I don't know whovoted these things in) has something to do with the twenty-four testiclesof the twelve apostles, and originates in one of the Catholic countries ofSouthern Europe. I've often used Carnac in my work, pretending to be him, when confronted with the unknowable, the unanswerable, the irrational questions for which no reasonable responses are going to solve the problem. proctologist. Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. [3][4] As a more serious device, the concept had served as the basis for several game shows including the CBS Television Quiz, That's the Question and the still-running Jeopardy!, which aired on NBC for much of Carson's run on Tonight. The Question: How much is Oprah Winfrey worth? hajahe155 6 yr. ago. Q: What do you call an agreement with Don Rickles? I'm being held prisoner on a God-forsaken island! Q: What does President Carter say to Billy on Air Force A: Quarter Pounder. Carnac the Magnificent: Three Dog Night & Mount Baldy on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show Johnny Carson 772K subscribers Subscribe 5.9K 1.1M views 11 years ago Watch Carson episodes every night on. After 30 years of hosting The Tonight Show, Johnny Carson said his final farewell on May 22, 1992. ED: And now I hold in my hand the last envelope. May your enemies get cramps in their legs as they dance on your grave. Some of his one liners:"A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou. Q: What do you get from a bee that has an udder? . A: Last Tango in Paris. The Question: What are three things less endangered than our freedom? Q: What does it say on the side of Phyllis Diller's dress? Q: Name three things that go to the bathroom outdoors. folks who ran "The Tonight Show" in the 70's. work? The Answer: Sam Quint, Jonah, and Osama Bin Laden. The Question: What was the third grade to Jackson councilman Kenny Stokes? A: Plumber's helper. My favorite Carnac(sp?) A: 13 Queens Boulevard. (Original post) Gladys Knight and the Pips. (Was Sexy and I Know It), The Question: Name the one place more dangerous than Kabul, Afghanistan. A: Jaques Cousteau. May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. The audience was silent as Carson and Midler sang an a cappella version of the song Heres That Rainy Day. Its a sweet and sincere moment that youd be hard pressed to find in todays late-night lineup. May you fall in the outhouse just as a regiment of Ukrainians finishes aprune stew and twelve barrels of beer. Carnac the Magnificent answers "A 100 yard dash" on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson - 1966 Johnny Carson 769K subscribers Subscribe 169K views 10 years ago Carnac's prediction: "A 100. The Question: Whats the name of the hooker Clarnac took the prom during his senior year in high school? A: Fists of fury and five fingers of death. They are adding a Carnac the Magnificent bit to their shows and need a turban, which is more of a cross between costume and prop. A: Ben Gay. Or are you just happy to see me? Q: What are Ernest and Julio Gallo? says? One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Get Image May you get your first French kiss from a diseased camel. Q: When is the next RTD bus scheduled to arrive? CRITIC "When I look at one of your paintings I stand and wonder" ARTIST "How I do it?" CRITIC "No; why you do it." You can always tell the English, You can always tell the Dutch, You can always . ANSWER: Gatorade. Unfortunately, as I age but my clients don't, more and more of them . Carnac: May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your underpants. Q: Describe the sound you make when you break loose from a Ed McMahon would hand Carson a series of envelopes containing questions, said to have been hermetically sealed and kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnallsporch since noon today.. A: Ransack. The Answer: Sinking faster than the Titanic. A: Until he gets caught. Clarnac: If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. Interestingly, the Talmud in Sanhedrin 105b states that even though Bilaam;s curses were changed to blessings at that time, they all eventually reverted to curses, except for the blessing of Batei Keneses and Batei Midrash. What do you look for when you're tracking three whackas? Amazingly, we see the Vilna Gaons prediction coming true in our own times, as many of the curses mentioned in the Bible have already disappeared. Icons & Idols Hollywood (#1212) 12/01/2011 9:00 AM PST CLOSED! The answer: "Sis boom bah." Q: What do you call dressing up as a tree? May a crazy holy man set fire to your nose hair. A: The Newlywed Game. Carnac the Magnificent, in which Carson played a psychic who clairvoyantly divined the answer to a question contained in a sealed envelope. A: A thousand clowns. The Question: Name a drink made up of 7-Up and prune juice. As well, Eve was cursed that her husband should rule over her (see Genesis ibid), yet with the Womens Rights movement this has changed in a big way. CARNAC: May your desert pension fund be managed by Jimmy Food is produced in abundance with machines that allow just a few people to operate massive farms with ease. These curses were always absurd, and many of them involved yaks, as in: "May an unclean yak sit on your dinner." "May a sick yak leave a gift in your sock drawer." "May a bloated yak change the temperature of your . A: Eleven. A: Pillbury cooking contest, a spasm of the diaphragm and As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed and kept in a #2 size mayonnaise jar on Dr. Faucis porch since noon today. A: "Breaking Away" and "Here's Boomer." Explanation of WPA. One? A: Henry R. Block. A: SAG Strike. (Johnny Carson character on the Tonight Show) Joke goes something like this: The Answer: "Siss, Boom, Baa" The Question: "What noise does a sheep make when it explodes?" Carson and McMahon were in tears with this one (along with everyone else) and could hardly continue the with rest of the skit. Q: What do you look for when you're tracking a shoo-be-doo-be? knows the contents of these envelopes, but you, in your divine and borderline mystical way will ascertain the questions having never before seen the answers. Similar Items. A: Roots. drip. A: A broken water pipe, Telly Savalas and Chuck Barris. The curses were basically middle eastern curses and would not be considered politically correct today. Men's Giant Turban Costume Accessory. The Answer: Liar, Liar, Pantsuit on Fire. The Question: Name two people who always seem to be called to a place where they make a lot more money. If a joke (often a very bad pun) generated a negative response, Carnac would give a disapproving look, then cast a comedic "Middle Eastern curse" upon the audience (such as "May your favorite daughter be featured in NFL Films' Sack of the Week", "May a bloated yak change the temperature of your jacuzzi", "May you walk a mile under a diseased camel", "May a demented deer lock horns with your daughter's Kawasaki", "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person seated next to me, and may his arms be too short to scratch", "May a diseased camel be sick on your prayer rug", or "May your proctologist be a frustrated concert trombonist"). A list of Carnac the Magnificent puns! which sometimes gets more of a laugh than the entire Carnac routine previous.
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