If you bring her up at all, it should be in the context of her probably also appreciating alonetime with him without you tagging along. My boyfriend and I went to get gas the other day and since his sister was still asleep and didnt want to get up and go. I think it's weird to go out constantly with your gf and never take her interests or wants into consideration. I'm 33. As weve seen, how you handle your boyfriend ignoring you is going to depend on the reasons why. Ok as a "spoiled little sister" (now in her 30s) who didn't actually have that close relationship with my older brothers, (but I know they love me/can be overprotective) I do think you're being a little insecure in all this. Only his presence annoys me so much. But the fact is that sometimes your boyfriend is simply unsure of how you will react if he brings you around his friends. You should clarify things and split them if you feel he is not worthy of you. Please don't torture yourself by continuing this relationship that is only making you feel bad. So you think it's totally normal to invite the same person on every date you go on with your partner. Try again with someone else. You can do better. Last Updated July 12, 2022, 5:42 am. my boyfriend ignores me when his sister is around . Who here is actually a younger sibling and who actually has decent relationships with any of their siblings? 21 Feb. how to draw a family tree for kids. Youve asked him how he feels, now its time for you to be honest with him too. Theres a lot that could he going on so just talk it out. Whether its his sister, his mom, a friend, why would you be ok with him treating you like that? we had thrown a party and the three of us were hanging out and he was really drunk and sort of uncomfortable, and he turned to me and said "I just need to be around [sister] right now" to sort of shoo me away- he wasn't really being rude, but it was quite hurtful. Not exactly sure what this guys issue is but I would move on. Do u live in Alabama? Tell him that for this relationship to work, you need a certain amount of ALONETIME. My Girlfriend Doesn't Text Me Like She Used To (Problem Solutions). At the end of the day, you cant make someone pay attention to you. It would help if you discussed your relationship expectations with your girlfriend. It is not HER responsibility to teach someone how to treat a romantic partner and basic respect. Youre too young to waste your time with someone immature who is an ass to you just to make his sister laugh. If not, talk to him and work it out or leave him if he doesnt change to be a good, caring bf. It's weird that he's inviting her along to everything and it must be intentional at this point. He doesn't like itand neither do his friends. If he dosn't change after knowing whats bothering you then end it. I mean, why hold someone's hand and tell them like you would a kid 'Its naughty to be rude.'? Tell him you dont like when he threatens you in this way and that it makes you feel unsafe., Love to know what version of reddit youre on, OP: my bf spends alot of time with his sister, I want us to spend more time together, alone.. 1. I reread the post a bunch of times now because I have no idea where people are jumping to that weird conclusion. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except as expressly permitted in writing by Brown Brothers Media Pte. All I say is take everything you read here with a grain of salt. Its usually a way of gaining power over someone or creating some emotional distance between you. My therapist phrased it as no you statements: people dont like being told what theyre doing. Like I said, it is not HER responsibility to tell him and teach him oh hey can you not be hurtful and rude for someone elses amusement at my expense? Why bother at that point. i feel like this might be less about the sister and more about him not knowing how to be a good boyfriend, and (if you want) you might have to help him learn. If it's time apart, respect that. You dont like the idea that your boyfriend is putting someone elses needs above yours. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Basically what you dont want to do is accuse him of his actions because he might not see them the way you do. Seriously, this garbage isn't worth op's time. That's not normal or healthy behaviour. Or ask if there is a particular reason why he involves her in everything you two do. You're crazy. That's unfortunate. They are an online therapy platform in which you can call, text, or video chat with a therapist every week. Give him space and let him know it's okay to hang out with them without checking in with you every minute. The solution to all your concerns are the same, communication. They're still young. You need to talk to him about it! And he gets offended as hell and ends it all. You might be doing it for social etiquette. One of the downsides of a hardworking man is that he can become extremely single-minded. Also I have a feeling she doesnt tell him because she already knows shes jealous and overreacting. Also I noticed how people suggested you to talk to him. Sounds like he wants to have the social respect that comes from having a girlfriend without actually having a relationship. It's natural to feel hurt when your boyfriend clams up and ignores you in front of his friends. OP it seems like your bf is not ready for a relationship yet. This guy ain't it, OP. The most healthy way to move forward in the relationship is to take it slowly. For example, he might withdraw or give you the cold shoulder whenever you disagree with him or dont do what he wants. That's what your boyfriend's feeling with his friends. Her boyfriend may not even realize how differently he is treating her vs his sister, or that she even cares about it. If this sounds like your situation, let him know that it's okay. Stop trying to make plans with him, stop trying to get his attention. You aren't their therapist and don't owe him a damn thing. Your feelings are completely valid and you are entitled to have them. I'm not talking "punishment", but consequences. All we know op and bf could have been only dating for a month. I wonder if this is because it's brother & sister? You need to stop comparing how he treats you, with how he treats his sister. Talk to him about how you feel and if (as I suspect) things either remain the same or he is defensive and unwilling to compromise, end the relationship. Louise Jackson Boyfriend Makes No Effort on My Birthday(Why & What to Do). Get yourself out of there and find somebody worth you. When its just him and I playing, I have such a great time and it doesnt matter that Im bad because we are just playing to have fun. I poke you you poke me we get along just fine lmao. : r/TrueOffMyChest. I despise my deskmate. We've all been in your shoes (or at least most of us have). I miss spending time just us and he tends to leave me out a lot when she is around. I was like this guy except with my brothers when I first met my husband. Hi everyone! Is it worth continuing our relationship. If he doesn't know how to balance his attention or be fair and inclusive of his company, then he's hardly a winner. In my world, that means time for a some communication about what is bothering her and why and to go from therepeople on here start screaming "dump him!" Its ok to say Im really hurt right now or I feel rejected right now. In the meantime, you can focus on yourself and your interests. The point is that even though we seem to be constantly available, this is an unfair expectation. Q: My boyfriend tied me up last night and threatened to feed me to his pet alligator. If he understands your pov, and tries to change, well and good but if you get even the smallest hint that his apology is insincere, just dump him, because you would have done everything you could at that point. Move on. My regrets are staying too long with people who showed me who they are the first time. Better to ditch him. If he has more commitment to his sister than his wife that's not a great man, find someone better and someone who makes you happy. Hey there If he responds by spending more time on you and focusing a bit more on your relationship, great. I think. That's a different discussion, and all men needs to know that.). You're all insecure, You sound like a horribly entitled person. This is a standard guy behavior. Its a bond that cant be broken. In fact even on first dates people find it fucking weird when people bring friends if it's not a double date so are you feeling okay? my ex boyfriend was like this, emphasis on the ex! Do you really want to be with someone who prioritizes their sister over you? Bubs, I totally get you. Op doesn't have an issue with the sister. Even if saying sorry isnt enough to magically fix everything, it can go a long way in making amends. You should definitely share your feelings otherwise resentment will build and the relationship will end. If I were you, I would talk to him and try to evaluate why hes behaving this way. But he makes hardly any effort to include her and keeps calling his sister to their own outings. You have a very valid reason to feel like that. Is this relationship salvageable. I'd pay more attention to them when they were around, cut him out of conversation unintentionally and sometimes even make harsh jokes at his expense because that's just how my family is with each other but it's hard on a newcomer. Get out there and have it! He seems too immature to meet your needs. What can we do to move forward?. A little bit of time and distance can work wonders in several situations when your boyfriend is ignoring you. Especially if he has a young daughter, he needs to be more cautious about who he allows to enter into her life. When it comes to fathers that only see their daughters for a short period of time or have joint custody with the mother, they will focus all their attention on their daughter when they get to see her. Being honest it sounds like he's not that into her. I dont think youre being too insensitive or insecure. Especially in situations like this. We don't know how long this "problem" has been happening for. Like if you tell him that you won't accept him making fun of you, and he still does, that's strike one. You shouldnt date guys who are mean to you as a joke. However, there are plenty of things that will give you some hints and clues on how to fix the situation. Regardless if hes a great brother. What does that matter though? I find it very odd that he wants her everywhere. We become better partners as we learn from previous relationships. But the truth is, the only way you will ever know whats going on in his head is by asking him. He may think that something bad will happen if he doesn't pay attention to you. In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation. If you tell him about how you feel, you are just gonna be the crazy controlling ex who has an issue with his family. Op needs to talk to him. Or maybe he just wants to fit in with his friends without having to put on a different "version" of himself that is more comfortable for you. This is basically the words I'd be tempted to use. I cant. I think you should talk to him about this, and take it from there. I understand thats his sister, and for the aspect of it, it seems that they are very close. F that noise. You gotta learn sooner than later. When a 35+ year old hears a 16-22 year olds struggle its like youre a baby you have tour whole life ahead of you why bother. His sister has any friends? Also just a bit weird. If you tell him about how you feel, you are just gonna be the crazy controlling ex who has an issue with his family. He may not even be aware that he's doing this, so let him know gently. Lachlan Brown Does your name happen to be Rachel and your boyfriend and his sister Danny and Krista? Just run.. source: experience, He's emotionally abusive. Its clearer to talk to someone in person rather than via text. Just leave. The most effective way to teach any human/animal what is unacceptable behaviour, is shunning/rejection, because as babies we all have an innate instinct to know that abandonement means death, so we still will avoid to do things that can cause it, because it feels scary and bad. Spending time with them is an important part of being a guy, and if they think that being with their friends means you won't be there or worse, that you don't want to be there, they'll probably choose the friends and leave you out of it. A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. So rather than waiting around hoping he will come round, ask him straight up how he feels. I think you shouldn't like leave him immediately and the best thing to do is to talk about it, maybe he's used to doing this unconsciously or for some other reason but in a relationship you shouldn't be used or feel left out you should feel loved and that's what's important One possibility is that he gets nervous around you in front of his friends, which happens to even the most secure people sometimes. If he truly loved you he would be understanding and make time for you but if not then you might have to end things with him. Also, maybe somethings going on in his life or his sisters life thats bad. Is getting gas some fancy big thing? Tough Love. I say this because after they have the talk, she will assume his sister is dead to him which will of course not happen and then theyll fight about it and thats where its gonna end. Rather than prove to him you feel regret, you may be feeding into the cycle. But you can legit just leave this dude. That relationship sounds crazy as hell. And then if that doesnt work and this still bothers you I would find a new boyfriend. I dont think that would change until you marry your boyfriend. Go out together! Yeah. Not all dudes end up like mine did but honestly it reminds me of that relationship. He's not paying attention that he's doing that to her. Yea wow, terrible advice to not date people who are mean and disrespectful to one self. You wouldn't make a joke about your sibling that really hurt their feelings in a mean way, that's not fun. Maybe wait till the end of the day or give him a call to ensure he is fine. She probably doesnt have any siblings and doesnt understand the relationship between siblings and thats ok. She needs to communicate with him and then he will have to dump her because no matter what he does she will never let this go. You might find that your boyfriend ignores you after an argument or when he's mad at you. Honestly OP, if this has changed since youve been dating, he may just not be that into you anymore. Remember that you always absolutely deserve to be taken care of and accommodated as much as youve done for your bf now even if its difficult and daunting to leave what you have now to start something new. But its best not to jump to conclusions. If it was sister/sister brother/brother would people still make these gross assumptions? If he wants to break up, give him that out. Youre more likely to say things you dont mean when youre feeling emotional. This, or he just sees the sister as someone he can be himself with, and can have fun with, while the OP has a different role in his mind. Regardless if their relationship is strange the actual issue is with you and him. Ignoring you after an argument can be a way of your boyfriend icing you out to punish you. by Don't say that you want him to treat you more like her, or that you to to spend more time with him without her, because he'll see that as an attack on her and get defensive. Get out. Talk to him OP, about how you feel. I don't think you're ever going to get what you want or need out of him. You shouldn't break up with him because he treats his sister well. Sure, he may be a good boyfriend in the future once he moves on from this in several years when his sister starts dating, but until then: WE DONT DATE SOMEONES POTENTIAL. I had a boyfriend, my brother didnt have anyone at the time. I feel like a third wheel around them and he always asks what her needs are instead of mine. A basic example: Ive been feeling ignored lately because it feels like you spend more time with your sister than you do with me and I want to spend time with you. Appyfzs example is great as well. She (sister) is there for 19 years. Something about openly ignoring her and making fun of her to amuse someone else, I'd say. Forget about his sister being involved, is he treating you the way you want to be treated in a relationship? Yall are 20, chances very low yall will get married. School, work, hobbies, friends, family, and a whole host of commitments need to be squeezed into 24 hours. It doesn't mean he's cheating on you or wants to break up, sometimes it really is that he's not paying attention to you because he's paying attention to work. It might also be because he wants to avoid conflict, so he won't engage with you. Why would the idea of marriage even be thrown into the mix here? He is trying to manipulate you. Have you actually ever talked to your bf about this? You're not alone. You would deserve much better. You tend to interrupt conversations when he's talking to his friends. If you get in the way of this time, good chance he will resent you for it. Do you invite your siblings on all your dates? Its only natural that he would have fun with his sister more but he shouldn't completely exclude you. Unfortunately his sister is someone that will always be in his life and I can't see him changing. And we're in fucking pandemic and you think its weird that he wants to be with his family?? My Boyfriend Hasnt Texted Me All Day (Here's What to Do). Same for men - if your partner is mean to you, don't settle for it. THIS! I'd just stop hanging out with them. Im Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I'm a smartass. In non-poly relationships, 3s a hell of a crowd. Being an afterthought would be a deal breaker for me. At this point you truly are third wheeling, which super sucks and he most likely doesnt see it(due to his own immaturity) and most likely wont see it after you point it out. Reach out to your friends and ask if they want to go out for coffee or lunch with you. Instead, wait until you are both calm and ready to talk before reaching out again. It's his ignoring you that's bothering you and it's totally fair for you to feel that way. The next step is to really take a deep dive into why you feel like your boyfriend neglects you when he is with his daughter. Yes, it applies to certain circumstances, but NOT all! It's almost always this way at the beginning of relationships when guys are still trying to figure out how to balance their newfound relationships with their existing ones. Does he ignore you when he is with his friends or family? So your boyfriend ignores you when his daughter is around. Never think you need someones approval to feel a certain way. My Boyfriend Ignores Me When He's With His Friends [SOLVED]. CA License # A-588676-HAZ / DIR Contractor Registration #1000009744 lots of other people have said this, but the most important thing is to communicate your needs in the relationshipi want to spend more one on one time with you, it would make me feel loved if you did X, i feel left out when you make fun of me, etc. Would explain a lot, Some commenters are saying to talk to him, but do you really want to ask for basic decency? It doesn't get better. You may even discover that hes not ignoring you, something is going on at home or work which is causing him stress. No hate, but I know plenty of great brothers who still adore and love their siblings and not at the expense of their SO. Good luck, OP. Again, I dont want to jump to conclusions but that's probably how it will end, if that happens, maybe consider breaking up with him. If you approach him I would do my level best to keep it close to plain old "I just want to spend time one on one with my boyfriend" and go from there. However, I have a hunch that he will tell you, you are being irrational and that's his sister and he will probably get mad. Here are a few things you can do if you feel like your boyfriend ignores you when his daughter is around. But nothing this extreme? To be honest, you are all so young if you choose to be in a relationship, you should choose to spend >90% of the time completely happy and enjoying the joy a relationship brings. But there is a lot wrong with a boyfriend intentionally doing things that are going to hurt his girlfriends feelings. Give it a few days and see what develops. Because Ive been there. He is young. And I have shared 9 out of plenty reasons why your boyfriend is ignoring you when he is with his friend. This is a good sign, he's this type of caring person and this is what you can expect when your relationship reaches this level. As a lot of people have given their opinions Ill try and give some short bits of proactive advice, Perhaps start initiating going out. Your bf isn't ready for a relationship he can't balance his choices so to speak. If you know for sure he is angry or moody over something, then he definitely could be giving you the silent treatment. See where things go. If he insists she has to be there everywhere you two go, that would raise red flags to me. We often prioritise your sister and I dont enjoy when you make jokes at my expense. Did I already say F that noise? he expects me to call him and talk to him, but complains when i call him . His behaviour is so so weird, he's acting like he has a crush on his sister. id question how you got into a relationship with this guy in the first place if hesmoderately into you.
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