Daphne du Maurier, With many twists and holes life is much like a golf game; without bats, you cannot Play. He looked at his caddie and said, Ive played so badly all day, I think Im going to drown myself in that lake., The caddie, quick as a flash, replied, Im not sure you could keep your head down that long.. After 18 holes, I can barely walk. "The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.". You are slightly ashamed of what you have done and worst of all you know it will Your second mental problem is concentration. A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse to play a round of golf together. The fourth putt! Knock, knock Thats incredible. As he approached the threesome, he said Hey guys, do you mind if I play through. No defenders, no game clock, no excuses. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. Golfing is like masturbation, sex, or pooping?! How we get there is as important as where we go. Old Tim Morris, 6. 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! "The reason a pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.". Why don't golfers ever eat pie? 1. 150 Puns From All Walks of Life. Whats the difference between the g-spot and a golf ball? One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. "Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. Spread your legs a little more. when we were married," said the pouting wife. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots but you have to play where it lies. Bobby Jones, 23. Why don't golfers in England work in the afternoon? 3. They are the two things you can thoroughly enjoy even though you are really bad at them. A good golfer has the determination to win and the patience to wait for the breaks. Gary Player, 53. Bobby Darnel, If you want to hook a ball turn both hands toward the right side on the grip or shaft. Youve got to loosen your girdle and really let the ball have it. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 43. Or on top." "I have lovemaking with you a lot in my head." "Let's have a 'who's better in b3d' contest. A lot of Seniors love playing golf and also, they love jokes. But there is a difference between playing well and hitting the ball well. Gardner Dickinson, Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious. So what are you waiting for? Why dont grasshoppers play golf? Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? Spread your legs shoulder width, that's the first step to a successful golf swing. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?" Golfing is a lot like masturbation. Clubbing. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? Simpson, Most people play a fair game of golf If you watch them. And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines; Dirty Music Pick Up Lines; Dirty Holiday Pick Up Lines; Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. . Playing golf is fun and exciting, but these Short Golf Jokes will make your game enjoyable. Again the announcement: Would the man on the womens tee kindly back up the mens tee!, Mike had had enough and shouted: Would the horses ass in the clubhouse with the loud speaker kindly shut up and let me play my damn second shot!. Whats the difference between a golf ball and a car? Billy Graham, Show me a man who is a good loser and Ill show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing you're a bad golfer. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. "I'll kiss you on the rain so you get twice as wet". It was glorious when you did! It can be difficult. William Topaz McGonagall, Golf epitomizes the tame world. What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? That's mispronounced Spanish for cat which is another word foryou get the idea. 2023, 35 BEST Lionel Leo Messi Quotes (About Life, Work, and Football That Will Inspire You), 53 Cristiano Ronaldo Motivational Quotes (About Football, Hard Work, Life, and Family), Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. Man: Please dont go. I've got some good news. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. Kurt Philip Behm, Golf is an ideal diversion but a ruinous disease. Pick the quote from here which describes your inner thought. Boo who? A two-foot putt to win a bet or a tournament or a Masters is another thing entirely. And there are windmills. Jordan is a golf lover and the founder of Cyber Caddie. See more ideas about golf quotes funny, golf, golf quotes. One minute youre bleeding. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. Whats the shortest distance between the tee and the hole? For you only, all the funny golf quotes images have been created that you are going to explore now. Whats the difference between golf and sex? Andy to ave a water golf ball retriever for the round with you! I had a terrible round today, I only hit two good balls, and that was when I stepped on a rake. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." - Arthur Daley. Steve Bann, Theres a reason why golfers walk forward to their next shot. People may find dirty jokes shocking or disgusting, but no one can deny they're funny as hell! Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. 6. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance." Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. Tiger Woods can drive a ball three hundred yards! Your competitors are not allowed to hinder you, as they are in other sports. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked a question. Andrew Barton Paterson, A boss once told me, Colleen, its not about the meeting, its about the scotch after the meeting. Mark Twain, The average golfer doesnt play golf. Tahiti hole in one, you need to hit the golf ball straight. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. In case he got a hole in one! 3. Fantastic 4-some. Such is the game. You wont be able to keep your head down long enough. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.". Why did Snoop Dogg bring an umbrella to the golf course? Nay! Brent Musberger, If you break 100, watch your golf. Andy who? Just as in life, you are presented with options; its up to you to decide which ones suit you best. Sandra Haynie, 30. How far do you hit it? said Palmer. My caddy says I should use a hard 7. You made an 11 on a Par 3 hole? Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if youre not good at them. Roy Tin Cup McAvoy, the greatest that never was. Joey Adams, It takes exactly eighteen shots tae polish off a fifth o a bottle o Scotch, thus, a game o golf equates tae eighteen holes. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. Golf is a game that is special and unique in that there is always something to learn. Many of these expressions of life, result in taking the form of wishes, quotes, greetings, messages, and captions. Nothing. Paul Harvey, While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I Am Shuvo Saha. Required fields are marked *. Jim Bishop, I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. Hank Aaron, Golf, golf, golf is all the story! The next minute youre painting the Mona Lisa.. Please accept the terms of our newsletter. As he is about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffles onto the tee and asks if he can join him. With this in mind, here are the 10 funniest golf quotes of all time. Winston S. Churchill, You ought to take more exercise if youre inclined to have a liver. Relate what your buddy said after a five-putt, the joke your grandfather made about the ballwasher or your golf junkie pal's philosophy about the parallel between golf and life. What does he do if you miss a putt?, Friend: Somersaults? The next pint in the clubhouse is on me! Everyday I'm Schauffele. I give him the driver. Share these images with quotes about funny golf with family, friends, mates, colleagues, and all your acquaintances. 2. I . "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off." Bruce Lansky 15 of 50 Scott Halleran/Getty Images "On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. Because it would interrupt their tea time. You've got the nicest boobs I've seen outside a PGA Tour locker room. I had a hole in nothing. The man has a little dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes out a 20 foot putt. Why didnt the golfer get his homework done? Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional Full Text: My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! Any birdie will do. Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your natural talent, there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work. Jack Nicklaus, 3. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. She makes sure he practices having a stroke first to make sure he's handicapped when he meets a blond working at one. It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. He hauls off and whacks onebig hitter, the Lamalong, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Robert Fuller Murray, Be a mind beater-not a ball beater. I always said you have to be really smart or really dumb to play this game well. Theres no sense in going to a tournament if you dont believe that you can win it. Tiger Woods, 20. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); Here, have a carrot! Tell me what your favorite sports game is, and I will tell you, who you are. 22. Noah. Full Text: The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things Features: Size: 7x36 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging. Find the ball. putt." A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green. I just dont know where I fit in. Beth Daniel, 37. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? I know what to look for. Trust is one of the most important qualities in the game of golf. I'll let you beat me. Even though youre a little ashamed of what you have done, you know you will do it again. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." When is it too wet to play golf? Without trust, it feels like you and your golf club are on opposite sides of a tug-of-war. Dr. Joseph Parent, 9. Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter! Roarin' Mcllroy That I am sure of will make your day full of joy! Required fields are marked *. Oh my God, what have I just said?". We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. Showing 1 to 56 of 56 entries Click me to show the form! David Brenner, For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. How Long Does It Take to Play 18 Holes of Golf? How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? Your source for the latest and greatest golf news, tips, gear reviews, and giveaways. Because he walked into the wrong club! The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. 8. Guys will spend at least 5 minutes looking for a golf ball. Henry Beard, If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you dont have to waste energy going back to pick it up. Golf puts a mans character on the anvil and his richest qualitiespatience, poise, restraintto the flame. Billy Casper, 16. Your butt reminds me of St Andrews.. Hard and Firm. Wodehouse, 31. I smile at obstacles. Tiger Woods, 13. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. What did the duck say to the golf ball? Theres enough stress in the rest of your life not to let bad shots ruin a game youre supposed to enjoy. Amy Alcott, 15. Your email address will not be published. 5. Regardless of time, place, situation, event, or occasion, it is in our human nature, to learn and express. Paul Gallico, I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. How about you bring two of your friends and we play a foursome? The grass is clean, a lawn laundry that wipes away the mud, the insect, the bramble, nettle, and thistle, an Eezy-wipe lawn where nothing of life, dirty and glorious, remains. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." -Lee Trevino "Golf is my profession. "Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday because you spend more time praying on the course than if you went to church." brockoli117 on Reddit.com. "Gunga galunga gunga, gunga-galunga." Henny Youngman, Go play golf. Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T? She asked her instructor. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: az11107, jemallor, 21ob, dudedudester1, racke78, mcsheehy54, konczalangelia, fourq2. 2. Follow These Tips on How To Handle Frustration. What is a golfers favorite bird? Dave Barry, Golf is the only game I know where you call a foul on yourself. Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result. Tommy Armour, 40. 3 / 10. "It's good to see there is still some respect in the world." "Well, it's only right," the first golfer replies. ~ George Bernard Shaw. / They havent turned up, and I doubt if they will. Do you share these funny golf jokes? Go back in time and start playing at a younger age. Therefore weve combined it together and compiled these hilarious Golf Jokes for Seniors that Im sure youll like. This post may contain affiliate links. Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! 3. I was off to-day! "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Why do golfers carry a spare pair of golf shorts? Correct one fault at a time. What do golf and sex share in common? Lift your head and spread your legs. Golf turns outdoors into indoors, a prefab mat of stultified grass, processed, pesticided, herbicided, the pseudo-green of formica sterilityThe enemy of wildness, it is a demonstration of the absolute dominion of man over wild nature. Days when you just dont have it, you dont pack it in, you give it everything youve got. They have been there where we are standing now. Like a PGA Tour pro once said to his pro-am partners, youre not good enough to get angry. So dont even try it. I'm pretty good with my short putts. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? It will test your patience. You look like you'd be a great ball-washer. Quotes tagged as "golf" Showing 1-30 of 130. What did Master Yoda say when Luke sliced the ball onto the next fairway over? For more great quotes on life, golf and from books and authors, check out this site and this site. If you can smoke and drink while youre doin it, its not a sport. Why did Tarzan spend so much time at the golf course? Why did the golfer have to change his socks? I'm still working on my approach, but I think I have a pretty good swing. The 18 Best Golf Movies You Need To Watch In 2023, Top 14 Golf Podcasts You Should Listen To (Updated 2023), 7 Left Handed Golf Tips To Crush The Competition, 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation, Practicing Golf At Home: 10 Tricks To Improve Your Game. We collected these beautiful images with quotes about funny golf for you because we understand the value of your thoughts and feeling. I love you and I want you to stay with me., Woman: You dont understandIm a hooker., Man: That is no problem, darlin, you probably just have too strong a grip.. Golf?! So what's it gonna be today, Stroke Play or Skins? I'm a bit tired, so can we just play your backside tonight? 8. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. You want some dirty golfing jokes, we got them for you. On the final hole, the match was all even and one of the wives had a long, breaking, fifteen-foot putt to win the match. What did the golfer say to the hip hop dancer? now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); Ben Hogan, The golf swing has been endlessly analyzed, and yet it still remains a mystery. His playing partner: Wow that was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever witnessed., Man: Well, I was married to her for 30 years.. A fan in the crowd said Mr. Apparently, you cant get out of here with a seven. "Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.". Keep your sense of humor. Golf Skirts & Golf Skorts Stylish, Fun & Comfortable. Joe Torre, It is not possible to play golf consistently well without sound mental skills. Being a thoughtful person, and a social being, I find it very amusing to explore people's thoughts, observations, and experiences. Golf got its name because all of the other four-letter words were taken. Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, 15+ Easy and Funny Animal Riddles for Kids (with answers) 2023, 79 HILARIOUS Holiday Jokes For A Jolly Mood, 49 Jokes about Teachers and Students (that work like Science: Always get a reaction), 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18th. clubs. I enjoy this bit of golf/life wisdom. I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyones game: its called an eraser. Arnold Palmer, the King of golf and comedy apparently. Jack Burke, Every golfer worthy of the name should have some acquaintance with the principles of golf course design, not only for the betterment of his game but for his own selfish enjoyment. Why are there 18 holes on a golf course? Beyond this, the comedian and violinist (an epic combination) made the above joke about golf. With the exception of the putter and the driver remember that you hit down on every other shot in golf. Funny and dirty medical pick-up lines and doctor hook-up lines. Full Text: Thank you for still being my friend even though I only talk about my horse and I smell like a barn. After shooting 30 over par after 18 holes, Jim is on his way home from the 18th having a chat with his Karen. Hey babycan you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose? Ellis Parker Butler, Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Why not! Features: Size: 7x18 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Some of the best cowboys aren't boys Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. When a golfer lies, he doesnt have to bring any proof home. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him. Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings. Of course, after painting the Mona Lisa, you'll likely soon be back to bleeding. There is no such thing as a natural touch. You'll get wet outside and inside with these sexy quotes. Achieve more with each and every round you play.Go Premium to et full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. nay I my child, and eke, oh! course sometime. Bruce Lansky. Because all the other four letter words were taken. If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron, not even God can hit a 1-iron. again, Lee Trevino, who would know a thing or two about lightning strikes considering he was stuck by it on the course. Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). Is that my golf bag in your pants because I just finished a long drive and I'd like to put my wood in it? -Lee Trevino Ive got some real trouble down here., Don comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: Whats the matter, John? He couldnt stop puttzing around! document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. You're more beautiful than a hundred pink flamingos on a golf course. Nothing it should have ducked. Clubbing. The cat crawls out at night to smoke them and we are trying to get him to quit. Sick of the same tired old golf puns and gags? It keeps you young. Patty Berg, 29. From the moment I saw you, I've had a vertical shaft angle. What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? Palmer, how do you make a 3 iron back up like that?, Mr. Palmer replied, Do you own a 3 iron?. Funny Family Poems. So we finish the 18th, and he's gonna stiff me. What do you getll a blonde at the driving range? "Your game is so bad you had to have your ball retriever re-gripped!" Babe Ruth once said, "It took me 17 years to get three thousand hits in baseball. Read more: Hilarious poop jokes that kids will love! Whos there? The end. Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Mark Twain, the famous wordsmith who also said golf is a good walk spoiled. Although worried this will slow him up, the younger man says, Of course. To his surprise, the old man plays quickly. Robert Fuller Murray, The uglier a mans legs are, the better he plays golf. Success depends almost entirely on how effectively you learn to manage the games two ultimate adversaries: the course and yourself. Jack Nicklaus, 45. The harder you practice, the luckier you get. Gary Player, 32. Mickey Mantle, Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. These quotes and images about funny golf are the truest, wisest, and most positive ones to be found on the web. Golf is such an individual game, and no two people swing alike. Kathy Whitworth, 14. 2. "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Colleen Ferrari Bader, And does the man walk always so? What did the golfer say after performing yoga? Putter Around. Lorii Myers, Perhaps more than any other sport, golf focuses pressure on the player. Golf is more complicated than that. but I can show you what is! Another Ball in the Trees. You shot an eight. I`m really worried about myself. Because her coach was a pumpkin. 1. -Bob Hope Whos there? If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. Dirt your body. Short Golf Sayings And Quotes For Good Luck Shots, Funny Golf Quotes For Ladies And Gentlemen, TOP 30 Best Sayings On Theory | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, TOP 30 Meaningful Sayings On Sweet Love | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Notable Quotes About Subtle | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, TOP 30 Meaningful Quotes About Volunteerism | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Top Quotes About Snuggle | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 27+ Revolutionary Sayings On Hysterical | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Favorite Sayings About Hypocrites | Free Hd Background Images Download, 92+ Meaningful Sayings About Hypocrisy | Free Hd Wallpaper Images Download, 21+ Creative Sayings About Hypnosis | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, 12+ Beautiful Sayings On Hype | Free Hd Background Pictures Download. Don't dirt your soul. They expect to succeed! 5. Lift your head and spread your legs. I asked my caddie what he thought of my game. What is the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough? -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. Moe Norman, ALL of us play our very best game / Any other time / Golf or billiards, its all the same / Any other time / Lose a match and you always say, Just my luck! 75 Funny Knock Knock Jokes 2023 to Make You Laugh. And maybe that same element inspires the poets, writers and artists to pay homage to golfor at least lament its cruelty. It bends a little to the left. Big pupils lead to big scores. H. G. Wells, The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. Tommy Bolt, As golf conquered the United States in the decades preceding World War I, the British import took on new forms. 8. And maybe thats why the highs were so high and the lows felt so low. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? Try choking donw on the shaft. Are you into kinky stuff? The rest is being comfortable with the different situations on the course. Mickey Wright, 57. If the point of golf is to hit the ball less, then do I win if I don't play at all? In golf as in life, it is the follow through that makes the difference. Anonymous, 34. This position should feel sort of unnatural and should permit you to hook the ball without altering your golf swing. Which pro golfers can jump higher than the flag? If you think it's hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong golf ball on the Golf is a lot like life. See more ideas about golf humor, golf, humor. The great champions have all come back from defeat. Sam Snead. Joey Adams, A well-hit golf shot is a feeling that goes up the shaft, right through your hands, and into your heart. Besides that, I love to explore. Fore! Jennifer Wyatt, Muscular freedom is probably more important in golf than in any other sport, but very few players take the trouble to get loosened up. Two couples were enjoying a competitive, best-ball match wives against husbands with the losers buying lunch and a libation. In case he gets a hole in one. Its possible, by too much of it, to destroy the mind. All the fans are gone! "Damn, my shaft is all bent." If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot. To find a man's true character, play golf with him. Bob Bruce One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. Instead of worrying about making a fool of yourself in front of a crowd of 4 or 40,000, forget about how your swing may look and concentrate instead on where you want the ball to go. All of them. I am Jimmy, clown at heart. Have fun. Leslie Nielsen, Mini-golf is a lot like life. Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? The next minute youre hemorrhaging. He went up to her, talked to her, and convinced her to come back to his hotel room for the night. 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