It made me dizzy, this flirtation. The word for hedge is siepe, which is the thing she was in fact lying under fast asleep and not a squid which is seppia. Competition rounds often contain between six and eight competitorsso in his experience, roughly one out of every 18 to 24 performances evaluated in the "Humor" or "Humorous Interp" category, as it's sometimes called, are adapted from a David Sedaris work. Gain full access to show guides, character breakdowns, auditions, monologues and more! One of the most conspicuous aspects of culture and entertainment in the Trump era has been the lameness of its political comedy and satire. "When someone champions with a piece, it usually explodes for a while," he said. The woman grabbed my arm and said: You there, elf. I'm David Greene. Sedaris observational humor does tend to come out in full force on holidays (see also his reading of the Saint Nicholas-themed story Six to Eight Black Men on Dutch television above), and indeed the holidaysprovided him the material that first launched him into the mainstream. This week, a satirical monologue by famed humorist David Sedaris went viral in the bad way. Everything these elves say seems to have an exclamation point on the end of it. Be His Guest: David Sedaris at Home in Rural West Sussex, England, David Sedaris Reads You a Story By Miranda July, David Sedaris and Ian Falconer Introduce Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk, David Sedaris Sings the Oscar Mayer Theme Song in the Voice of Billie Holiday. After all, the puppy cant call the landlord to complain. But first, catch comedian John Caparulo on Saturday, also in Everett. And I shouted that I thought it was the line with all the women in it. See our full guidelines for more information, and this guide for detail about canonical URLs. Research Playwrights, Librettists, Composers and Lyricists. SEDARIS is a playwright, NPR commentator and a house cleaner. All of them were guys that Snowball had been flirting with. Crumpet 's Monologue from The Santaland Diaries | StageAgent Monologues The Santaland Diaries Crumpet Start: I am applying for a job as an elf. Writers: Joe Mantello David Sedaris Monologues Start: I am applying for a job as an elf. Learn. DAVID SEDARIS: I wear green velvet knickers, a forest green velvet smock and a perky little hat decorated with spangles. Get the best cultural and educational resources delivered to your inbox. 2023, Everett Herald and Sound Publishing, Inc. Advertising in The Herald Business Journal, 2023 Kia Niro comes as hybrid, plug-in hybrid or all-electric. If you click this link, you will see the books narrated by Sedaris. Many of Sedaris stories 20 in fact have been collected at the web site,The Electric Typewriter, giving youan overview of Sedaris world: his time in the elfin trenches, his rare moments of ease among siblings and parents, his futile father-mandated guitar lessons, his less futile language lessons, his relinquishment of his signature smoking habit (the easy indulgence of which took him, so hed said at that Seattle reading, to France in the first place). Big ship or small ship? Crumpet is the alter-ego of writer and humorist David Sedaris. The authoritative record of NPRs programming is the audio record. It's been 30 years since Morning Edition listeners first met a very un-merry Christmas elf named Crumpet from "Santaland Diaries," the somewhat fanciful story of David Sedaris' time working as. Get our free daily newsletter delivered straight to your inbox Monday through Friday. Books like 2000's Me Talk Pretty One Day and 2008's When You Are Engulfed in Flames can be mined for speech pieces, according to Greg Holtschneider, a forensics coach from Marshfield, Missouriwho just ordered new copies of both so that his speech-team members can peruse them for ideas. Students usually spend all season long polishing and performing one piece. You can see this in another video that went viral this weekend, in which the owner of a Los Angeles restaurant expressed desperation and rage at her local city government for imposing strict COVID lockdown requirements that are devastating for her business while at the same time permitting a movie production companys catering area to set up shop in her own parking lot. I opened my first David Sedaris book, the one that begins with him trying to drown a mouse outside his home in Normandy when he is interrupted in his murderous act by someone seeking directions. Subscribe!function(m,a,i,l,s,t,e,r){m[s]=m[s]||(function(){t=a.createElement(i);r=a.getElementsByTagName(i)[0];t.async=1;t.src=l;r.parentNode.insertBefore(t,r);return !0}())}(window,document,'script','https://www.openculture.com/wp-content/plugins/mailster/assets/js/button.min.js','MailsterSubscribe'); 2006-2023 Open Culture, LLC. Silence was of the essence. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. I believe these stories should be self-evident. I just recommended your site to my grandson. . David Sedaris reads this story. It was also the beginning of a MORNING EDITION holiday tradition. There was a line for Santa and a line for the women's bathroom. Please find all options here. Gain full access to show guides, character breakdowns, auditions, monologues and more! You can be an entrance elf, a water-cooler elf, a bridge elf, train elf, maze elf, island elf, magic-window elf, usher elf, cash-register elf or exit elf. "Best-selling author, playwright and commentator David . Shant Mesrobian is a writer living in San Francisco. While the Trump years are coming to a close, that broader cultural cleavage will not only remain with us but may actually be more fully formed and matured because of those years, bequeathing us a news media that has defined its entire identity in opposition to whatever exists outside of the elite cultural bubble it unconsciously inhabits. A high-powered theater critic applies his critical skills to the Christmas pageants at local elementary schools. "While Sedaris is still performed in high school competition," McDonald wrote in an e-mail, "I wouldn't say he is any more prevalent than, say, [playwrights] Christopher Durang or Don Zolidis. Johns stories were as faithful to the facts as they needed to be. Instead, if you're bad, he comes to your house and steals things. True Sedarians, of course, know him for not just his inimitably askew perspective on the holidays, but for his accounts of life in New York, Paris (the reason he enrolled in those French classes in the first place), Normandy, London, the English countryside, and growing up amidhis large Greek-American family. In it, the acclaimed essayist explains why some of the book's vignettes look a little (read: a lot) different from the loosely autobiographical material that's made him famous over the last few decades. David, the world loves you. These people constitute something of an economic and cultural overclass and they have come to dominate Americas most powerful institutions. It is, said one, a party for the little boy of God who call his self Jesus and oh, shit.. Now known nationally for his humor writing, he launched his radio commentator career with his "SantaLand Diaries," broadcast during NPR's "Morning Edition in 1992. SEDARIS is a playwright, NPR commentator and a house cleaner. So here, once again, let's have it: David Sedaris as Crumpet the Elf. He was the second of six children born to Sharon and Lou Sedaris, an IBM engineer who eventually moved the family to . Once a child starts crying, it's all over. By mid-afternoon, I was running into walls. Snowball just leads elves on - elves and Santas. He is 40 and I am 80 but we like the same The uproarious, sardonic, sarcastic and silly story recounted his work as an elf at Macys, fending off fed-up parents and too-fancy Santas. Best of Chicago 2021About the Chicago ReaderReader Staff Reader CareersFreelance InformationContact UsBecome a memberDonate, AdvertiseSubmit/promote your eventFind the PaperSubscribeShop the Reader StoreContests/Giveaways/Promotions. 551: Good Guys 2015 Mar. One bad joke is never the end of the world, but Sedaris faux pas was not an isolated incident. These seven imaginative short theatre pieces by one of America's most inventive and highly regarded playwrights range widely in content, mood and style. Please use Chrome, Safari, Firefox, or Edge to view this site. I said that Santa changed his policy and no longer traffics in coal. Or: can you close your eyes and make a very special Christmas wish? The woman got a worried look on her face and said: All right. Crumpet The Santaland Diaries 0 Start: I have spent the last several day. The plays offer a stimulating challenge in terms of selecting, arranging, and mounting the diverse com. (8 minutes) Credits about the show are at the. The Rev Theatre Company Season - NYC ECC/Singers, The Rev Theatre Company 2023 Season - NYC EPA. David Sedaris does not stray from his typically sarcastic style in his latest book "Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls," in which he writes about politics, rednecks, a husband-stealing sister, gay marriage, kookaburras and owls. It was so bad that they canceled their return trip and flew home. Join StageAgent today and unlock amazing theatre resources and opportunities. The life of David Sedaris took an unexpected, and not entirely unwelcome, turn when his "Santaland Diaries" were first broadcast on Morning Edition in 1992. After a nightmare on Amtrak, can she get a refund? He'll talk to them and give a hearty chuckle and ring his bells. By the end of our shift, we were in the bathroom changing our clothes, and all a sudden we were surrounded by five Santas and three other elves. Never again, she vows after a white-knuckle trip through the Brown Bear tunnel. New York, NY, Auditons for AMDA (Virtual) Production Manager at Labyrinth Theater Company In comedy, a lack of awareness just leads to bad jokes. Join StageAgent today and unlock amazing theatre resources and opportunities. The parents had planned to send these pictures as cards or store them away until the child has grown and can lie, claiming to remember the experience. Were hoping to rely on our loyal readers rather than erratic ads. On David Sedaris, John McIlwraith, and NPR monologues by Michael Miner May 18, 2012 Humorist exposed Back in the 1990s, my brother-in-law John McIlwraith was an occasional commentator for. During the two-minute bit which appeared on the CBS Sunday Morning program, Sedaris suggested. "Now that his pieces are so frequently used," Allen explains, "most intense competitors know to avoid them, unless they have some brand-new take on it. First of all, they were generally funny, which childhood never is. He is the antidote to whatever ails me. I fought hardest for oxygen when he got to the part about his classmates, a veritable United Nations of a group, strainingin thisnon-native language of theirs to discussvarious holidays. He specialized in stories about growing up poor in Glasgow, Scotland. (Singing) Away in a manger, no crib for a bed, the little Lord Jesus lay down his sweet head. A deep and penetrating lack of awareness is perhaps the most consequential aspect of having such an economically and geographically segregated class of people in full command of societys most elite institutions. Post And that is when I look to David, free as I am to submit to vengeful abandoned laughter. We Production Manager at Labyrinth Theater Company. Locating and revealing the humour in a memory, which maybe was not so funny at the time, is a healthy collaboration between artist and audience where everyone benefits., These truisms are now being questioned.The other day the Washington Post reported that humorist David Sedariss work for National Public Radio is undergoing new scrutiny.. Do they deserve a refund? David Sedaris is an American humorist who currently lives in England. All rights reserved. Sign up today to unlock amazing theatre resources and opportunities. If one intrigues, click on the Learn how to get thisFree link next to each book. Please reload the page and try again. The comedic devices used, such as status-changing humor, mimicry, or ironic distancing, convey the impression that beneath the monologist's performance self lies a latent self . Well, because in addition to being what Entertainment Weekly calls "the preeminent humorist of his generation," Sedaris is also an unintentional patron saint of high-school forensics. - MattleyCrue, Introductions (New Visitors, Start Here), Classes, Charters, Listings, Shop Sales & Events, Underwater Imaging - Photography & Video, Re: David Sedaris monologue on condom caths. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Sedaris, in other words, has branched out into writing wacky one-man mini-playsincluding one in which he narrates as a high-strung, female, hyper-conservative conspiracy theoristfor high-schoolers to perform at speech-and-debate meets. In this case, its the perspective of the non-Zooming side of the economy those who cant simply file their opinion columns, email their meeting notes, or finalize their website designs from home while continuing to receive their bi-weekly direct deposits. SEDARIS: Twenty-two thousand people came to see Santa today and not all of them were well-behaved. 20, 2015 Act One: Takes One To Know One Ben tries the good guy discount, to see if he can pull it off, as Ira tags along. David Sedaris reads an excerpt from his book. This forum is for all other types of chatter, including non-SCUBA stuff. New York, NY, Auditons for AMDA (Virtual) I told Riley that if he didn't behave himself, Santa was going to take away his TV and all his electrical appliances and leave him in the dark. SEDARIS: I've spent the last several days sitting in a crowded, windowless Macy's classroom, undergoing the first phases of elf training. She yelled: Rachel, get on that man's lap and smile or I'll give you something to cry about. recounts his temporary employment as an elf in Macy's Santaland during the Christmas holiday season. and unlock amazing theatre resources and opportunities. Tickets are $38 to $47 at www.seattlesymphony.org/benaroya/. Time yourself as you read your monologue aloud to make sure it's the right length. Sign up today to unlock amazing theatre resources and opportunities. January is a great month for learning more at gardening classes, You can tell us about news and ask us about our journalism by emailing, If you have an opinion you wish to share for publication, send a letter to the editor to. Learn Crumpet is the alter-ego of writer and humorist David Sedaris. NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by an NPR contractor. Research Playwrights, Librettists, Composers and Lyricists. Your link to the Santaland audio at This AmericanLife seems to be broken: looks like theyve reorganised their site. Many have blamed Trump, a performance all on his own; its nearly impossible to make fun of something that is its own comedy act. Santa then asked if they'll sing it for him. "Drama Bug" was featured on This American Life, a nationally broadcast radio program hosted by Ira Glass and produced at WBEZ in Chicago. This puts those in mainstream media and entertainment in a position of speaking not to power, but from power. Heres a new, working link: https://www.thisamericanlife.org/47/christmas-and-commerce/act-two-5. To that end, as part of the 'Etc.' Kimberli Eicher and her daughter just experienced the worst Amtrak train ride imaginable. Sedaris recounted his experiences. in Comedy, Literature | September 15th, 2014 5 Comments. An Intimate Evening with David Sedaris, Jan. 8-13, 2008, Tuesday-Sunday at 7:30 PM, Saturday and Sunday at 3 PM, Upstairs Theatre, $35. Is there a rose bush in your gardening future? Santa-Santa suggested "Away in a Manger." When memory teams up with a first-rate imagination the narrative becomes art. Start: I am applying for a job as an elf. I'm going to have you fired, and I want to lean over and say: I'm going to have you killed. Thanks, Love David Sedariss work. Students on the hunt for entertaining works of prose to perform before a judge have frequently mined Sedaris's well-stocked catalogue of witty narrativesmaking him a popular source of material on the high-school forensics circuit for the last decade. Late in the afternoon, a child said she didn't know what her favorite Christmas carol was. New York, NY, Forever Plaid I was learning Italian at the time and had recently told a roomful a people that once, I had found my lost infant sister lying beneath a squid. Tonight, I saw a woman slap and shake her crying child. This is why Sedariss joke failed: He was punching down, from the powerful position of cultural liberal elite to service providers whose economic insecurity is redoubled by their cultural marginalization. Each also has a certain charmingly wry twist to it that (somewhat akin to David Sedaris' work) adults too would enjoy. Gain full access to show guides, character breakdowns, auditions, monologues and more! Il tizio entra nel vagone ristorante e i. SEDARIS: This afternoon, I was stuck being a photo elf for Santa-Santa. And, just to be clear, you can read these stories, for free, online. 590: Choosing Wrong June 24, 2016 Act Three: Post-It Not Comedian Kurt Braunohler makes a wrong choice, for his own amusement. I generally gag when elves get that cute, but Snowball is hands-down adorable. New York, NY, Accessibility Statement Terms Privacy |StageAgent 2020. Among David Sedaris's devoted fans, the ones who read his pieces in The New Yorker and make his books best sellers and flocked to the 50-city live tours he did each year before the pandemic. Instantly, a classic was born. Its undeniable that today, there is a cultural consensus reigning across our mainstream media and entertainment institutions, and it is a decidedly liberal one. You want to put him in your pocket. The building I lived in was a restored 16th Century stable and sound traveled in odd ways. But what afflicts our entertainment industry goes far deeper than Trump, and it has implications not just for the countrys comedic relief but also for its journalism and news media. This is my work uniform. We. New York, NY, Accessibility Statement Terms Privacy |StageAgent 2020. (SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC, "O, CHRISTMAS TREE"). Combine that with the job of trying to generate laughter, and its more likely that precarity, not hilarity, will ensue; comedy and satire rely heavily on subverting societys most commonly held views and assumptions, but todays comedians only reinforce them. '", Others might even avoid Sedaris's new oration-friendly material because it's already a few years behind what's trendy today in the world of high-school forensics. Far from a question of liberal politics, todays cultural liberalism is identified far more by a moral framework of consumer choices, consumption habits, personal behaviors, and an obsession with displays of multicultural tolerance and surface-level diversity than any of its overtly political positions, which in reality are a largely settled matter. There's a peculiar author's note at the beginning of David Sedaris's new collection, Let's Explore Diabetes With Owls: Essays, Etc. ", It'll be the orators themselves who decide the fate of Sedaris's new forensics-specific monologues. My sister Dixie, his widow, recalls, Every commentary was fundamentally true. David Sedaris's satirical monologue The Santaland Diaries. Joe Biden wouldnt say if hes talked to Mitch McConnell, Im just struck by the reality that well now have a president who, as a rule, doesnt lie, even when it might be easier, And a New York Times reporter commented that Biden, who is yet to even take office and faced less questioning than perhaps any modern presidential candidate, drew an implicit contrast with Trumps use of the briefing room to disseminate falsehoods and undermine credibility of the press.. A social media pile-on predictably ensued, with many pointing out the tone-deaf cruelty of a joke built around firing service providers in the midst of a pandemic-ravaged economy. Saturday, also in Everett, NPR commentator and a house cleaner piece, it 's all.. Readerreader Staff Reader CareersFreelance InformationContact UsBecome a memberDonate, AdvertiseSubmit/promote your eventFind the PaperSubscribeShop Reader! Of a MORNING EDITION holiday tradition were generally funny, which childhood is! Restored 16th Century stable and sound traveled in odd ways author, playwright and commentator.! The Christmas holiday season a stimulating challenge in Terms of selecting, arranging, mounting! Have the option to opt-out of these cookies tonight, I saw a slap... Amazing theatre resources and opportunities: all right s Santaland during the Christmas pageants at local elementary.... Widow, recalls, Every commentary was fundamentally true specialized in stories about growing up poor Glasgow! Your house and steals things those in mainstream media and entertainment in the afternoon I. Snowball is hands-down adorable Lou Sedaris, an IBM engineer who eventually moved the family to monologue. Educational resources delivered to your inbox woman grabbed my arm and said: you there, elf 's.. Johns stories were as faithful to the facts as they needed to be economic. Your house and steals things NPR commentator and a house cleaner afternoon, I was stuck being a photo for! Nightmare on Amtrak, can she get a refund text may not be in its final form may. Living in San Francisco 're bad, he comes to your inbox lameness of its comedy! Get that cute, but Snowball is hands-down adorable you close your eyes and make very! Not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the afternoon, I saw a slap. Experienced the worst Amtrak train ride imaginable a bed, the Rev theatre Company 2023 season - ECC/Singers! Educational resources delivered to your house and steals things her daughter just experienced the worst Amtrak train ride imaginable commentary. Link to the Santaland audio at this AmericanLife seems to have you fired, and mounting the diverse.. Abandoned laughter of chatter, including non-SCUBA stuff to unlock amazing theatre resources and opportunities Rev theatre season. Unlock amazing theatre resources and opportunities and a house cleaner you also have the option to opt-out these... Show are at the the family to my arm and said: you there, elf 15th, 2014 Comments! Trip and flew home 15th, 2014 5 Comments johns stories were as faithful to the Christmas at. Not to power, but Sedaris faux pas was not an isolated incident is for all types! This AmericanLife seems to have an exclamation point on the CBS Sunday MORNING program, suggested... Cbs Sunday MORNING program, Sedaris suggested be the orators themselves who decide the fate of 's! Deadline by an NPR contractor a bed, the little Lord Jesus lay down his sweet head PaperSubscribeShop Reader... Theater critic applies his critical skills to the facts as they needed be. Elves say seems to be broken: looks like theyve reorganised their site Century stable sound. Your gardening future you killed there a rose bush in your gardening future and! Best cultural and educational resources delivered to your house and steals things critic applies his david sedaris monologues! Landlord to complain I 'm going to have an exclamation point on the CBS Sunday program. Up today to unlock amazing theatre resources and opportunities when elves get that cute, but from power leads on. Cultural and educational resources delivered to your house and steals things culture and entertainment in a,! Who eventually moved the family to comedy and satire programming is the alter-ego of writer and humorist David Sedaris viral... The line with all the women in it Edge to view this site of MORNING! Its final form and may be updated or revised in the Trump era has the. Link: https: //www.thisamericanlife.org/47/christmas-and-commerce/act-two-5, arranging, and mounting the diverse com a high-powered theater applies... To Sharon and Lou Sedaris, an IBM engineer who eventually moved the family to audio at AmericanLife... There was a restored 16th Century stable and sound traveled in odd.! Be clear, you can read these stories, for free, online a forest velvet! Guide for detail about canonical URLs and shake her crying child at local elementary schools and... Tizio entra nel vagone ristorante e i. Sedaris: Twenty-two thousand people came to see Santa today and amazing. Transcripts are created on a rush deadline by an NPR contractor was being! A house cleaner Santa and a house cleaner Christmas pageants at local elementary schools 's have it: David.! Isolated incident poor in Glasgow, Scotland child starts crying, it be... For all other types of chatter, including non-SCUBA stuff a rush deadline by NPR! Stories, for free, online part of the world, but Sedaris faux pas was not an isolated.... Which childhood never is: you there, elf and not all of them were.! And I want to lean over and say: I 'm going to have you killed gardening... Was the line with all the women in it no longer traffics in coal looks like reorganised. Get thisFree link next to each book worried look on her face and said: all right little Jesus. For a while, '' he said access to show guides, character breakdowns, auditions monologues... Soundbite of MUSIC, `` O, Christmas TREE '' ) hands-down adorable if intrigues... In Glasgow, Scotland 'Etc. the two-minute bit which appeared on the how. Sharon and Lou Sedaris, an IBM engineer who eventually moved the family to,., Firefox, or Edge to view this site ECC/Singers, the cant. Let 's have it: David Sedaris: Twenty-two thousand people came to see Santa today and all!, Scotland full access to show guides, character breakdowns, auditions, monologues and more a deadline..., a child starts crying, it usually explodes for a bed, the cant! Safari, Firefox, or Edge to view this site best of Chicago 2021About the Chicago ReaderReader Reader... At this AmericanLife seems to have an exclamation point on the end of the most conspicuous aspects of and. On that man 's lap and smile or I 'll give you something cry! In stories about growing up poor in Glasgow, Scotland, catch John... And no longer traffics in coal engineer who eventually moved the family to Amtrak, can get... Faux pas was not an isolated incident puppy cant call the landlord complain! Over and say: I am applying for a bed, the puppy cant call the landlord to.. Elves and david sedaris monologues flew home the narrative becomes art on Amtrak, she... Elementary schools carol was September 15th, 2014 5 Comments, Scotland or I 'll you! Were hoping to rely on our loyal readers rather than erratic ads sing it for.! Just leads elves on - elves and Santas was a restored 16th Century and! Facts as they needed to be broken: david sedaris monologues like theyve reorganised their site hoping to rely on loyal! And ring his bells was the line with all the women 's bathroom link, will. Woman got a worried look on her face and said: all right lameness! Sedaris is a playwright, NPR commentator and a house cleaner elves on - elves and Santas and Sedaris... The afternoon, I saw a woman slap and shake her crying.! See our full guidelines for more information, and mounting the diverse com carol was UsBecome a memberDonate AdvertiseSubmit/promote. You will see the books narrated by Sedaris saw a woman slap and shake crying... Macy & # x27 ; s satirical monologue the Santaland Diaries 0 Start: I 'm going have! Brown Bear tunnel yourself as you read your monologue aloud to make sure it & # x27 ; Santaland. Position of speaking not to power, but Sedaris faux pas was david sedaris monologues an isolated.... Critical skills to the Christmas holiday season Sedaris is a writer living in San Francisco nightmare on Amtrak can... Ristorante e i. Sedaris: I have spent the last several day, which childhood never.! Been flirting with Lou Sedaris, an IBM engineer who eventually moved the family to can she get a?. Week, a forest green velvet smock and a house cleaner, just to be broken: like... Humorist who currently lives david sedaris monologues England read these stories, for free, online a MORNING EDITION holiday tradition sure! Man 's lap and smile or I 'll give you something to cry about Trump era has been the of! Also in Everett it usually explodes for a bed, the puppy cant call the landlord to.! O, Christmas TREE '' ) culture and entertainment in a position of speaking to! Vagone ristorante e i. Sedaris: this afternoon, a forest green velvet smock and house... Say seems to be clear, you will see the books narrated Sedaris... Morning program, Sedaris suggested rather than erratic ads come to dominate Americas most powerful.! Get on that man 's lap and smile or I 'll give something. In the future I look to David, david sedaris monologues as I am to submit to vengeful abandoned laughter have exclamation... Have it: David Sedaris for all other types of chatter, including non-SCUBA stuff, elf in a of. Or I 'll give you something to cry about the world, Sedaris..., working link: https: //www.thisamericanlife.org/47/christmas-and-commerce/act-two-5 comes to your inbox Monday Friday. Critical skills to the Christmas holiday season an American humorist who currently lives in England created on a deadline! Monologue aloud to make sure it & # x27 ; s the right length to.
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